Boy, I'd like to say that I've been doing lots of great things, and that I've been super busy, but the truth is simply this: I'm totally burned out on everything. The source of my woes? Well, the simple explanation is this: The future is uncertain. Sounds silly, right? I've been trying to make some bigger plans for myself, a life goal if you will, but it's really been stressing me out. School is becoming quite cumbersome when work is thrown into the mix. It wasn't this hard before, but add marriage, a new house, and a tedious job into the mix and it spells disaster. I think I'm pining for the good old days when things were simpler. To have a good time, all that was necessary was 2-3 friends, some videogames, and a pizza.
Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a complaint about marriage. I love married life, it adds an element of safety and security to everything. I guess this is about what else I have going on in my life, which at the moment is nothing. I have a preset path (determined by me), and I plan on sticking to it, but I wish I had more going on in the personal development department. I'm stale. Those 2 words sum up my feelings exactly. It's not about a midlife crisis, I didn't miss out in my childhood, I don't regret getting married, I don't want a shiny new sportscar, I just want substance that outweighs my ridiculous time commitments.
I've been staying up until 4 and 5 in the morning trying to find substance in what I do. Is it helping? Not really, in fact, it only hinders what what I'm trying to do even more. Maybe it will pass.
